When Not to Meditate
Meditation is often promoted to be a cure-all treatment for all sorts of issues; anxiety, depression, sleep problems, chronic pain etc etc.
But there is a deeper and possibly darker aspect to meditating which is often glossed over by the modern attitude for a quick fix. People often enter meditation hoping it will change how they are feeling (negative mood, anxious feelings, depression), but instead, meditating can bring us deeper in touch with ourselves - including the 'bad' bits. And unless you are ready and/or being supported to do so, meditating can be a hugely challenging experience.
I do believe in all the positive aspects of meditation wholeheartedly.
However I had an experience which got me thinking long and hard about prescribing meditation for anyone and everyone at all times, and I came to this conclusion:
Sometimes - it's not good to meditate.
It's not something that I would have considered previously. I would have never thought that meditating could have unwanted or negative consequences. Despite all research regarding the virtues of meditation - I have seen very little about the adverse effects of meditation. Most reported negative events involve Buddhist monks meditating for extremely long periods of time, often while fasting.
I managed to find one article which highlighted some of the issues I was concerned about for the layperson:
“Meditation while clinically depressed can result in intensification of feelings of despondency, hopelessness, and negativity generally. The metta practice is theoretically a good thing, but in practice it can be a nightmare if all you feel is self-hatred!” (Wild Mind - Buddhist Meditation)
A number of years ago, I took part in a Vipassana ten-day silent meditation retreat. I had been wanting to do this for a very long time and I decided it was now or never.
I booked a few months in advance. Unfortunately, about one week prior - my very new relationship fell over. I won't go into details - but needless to say, my mind was not in full form when I attended the retreat.
The short of the story - is that I spent 10 full days, living my own private version of hell.
I had a lot of very negative thoughts going on in my head. Due to the style of the retreat, there is not only no talking and no eye contact, there was to be no reading, writing, or any form of communication with anyone, inside or outside the compound. Meditation began at 4.30 am and is spread throughout the day until 9 pm at night.
I tend to be a person who can be a little hard on myself and I (in my wisdom) believed that I would conquer my somewhat disturbed mind and emerge full of light and love.
Instead, on the morning of the 10th day, I realised that no such thing would happen. My thoughts were the same, my body was an anxious wreck, I'd suffered nightmares and I desperately wanted a hug and good friends around me.
Because I am stubborn, I stuck it out. And it is only on reflection that I have been able to process that actually, sometimes, it really isn't good to sit with a mind that is stuck in a very negative space.
Other forms of meditation would have probably been more appropriate. Guided meditations. Meditations based on compassion and kindness. Mindful activity, mindfulness in general.
But simply left totally undistracted and alone to spend 10 hours of a day focusing on the breath and body sensations was not therapeutic, helpful or at that time, kind.
Connecting with others might be more beneficial in challenging times.
I would never want to discourage meditation and I would totally do the Vipassana retreat again, but I would ensure I was of sound and settled mind prior to entering.
So, although meditation (and mindfulness) has been shown to be helpful in preventing depression and helping one to recover, beware of entering into meditation in a distressed, depressed or anxious state. If you feel it helps, wonderful, continue.
If you think it does not - please stop. Listen to the little voice and go and get some help and self-care.
A lesson learned.
Helen is a registered nurse, specialising in mental health from a holistic perspective. She is passionate about supporting people to have optimal mental health and well-being.
Based in New Zealand, Helen is available for talks, education sessions and online assessments.
If you would like some help recovering from a difficult time in your life - please get in contact with me below.
