How to cope with Covid division
If you have managed to get through the last two years without a sleepless night, you may just have been living under a rock, or you have the resilience of a saint.
It has been a tumultuous time, and in New Zealand especially, as Omicron really infiltrates our lives and livelihoods, it’s difficult to ‘carry on as normal’.
The sense of division
The only time I am aware of New Zealand being so divided in regards to an issue was the Springbok tour of 1981 and I was just a little too young to have been involved in this.
We are being exposed to friends and family members that have very different viewpoints from ours. The result of which can leave us feeling confused and threatened. I recently experienced a person who is non-vaccinated, non-mask wearing, who failed to inform a family member that they were Covid positive. The family member lives with my 95-year-old father. The family member now has Covid.
Needless to say, my blood was boiling.
But I am hearing stories from other friends, family members and also clients.
How do we cope, when our best friend who we have known and trusted ‘forever’ suddenly appears to ‘be on the other side’? How do we cope when the family member who isn’t vaccinated and will not test, still wants to come to the family dinner? How do we cope when a person we know, refuses to wear a mask to the supermarket, not for legitimate reasons - apart from their belief that ‘Covid is just a sniffle’? How do we cope when you are friends with someone who isn’t vaccinated and uses a ‘fake vaccine passport’ to go to cafes and socialise?
On top of all this going on in our personal lives, we have the tragedy of a war breaking out on the other side of the world and watching as our parliament grounds disintegrate into a mass of angry, violent protests - heartbreaking despite the initial intention it being a ‘protest for freedom’.
what can we do?
What can we do to support ourselves from this division that Covid has created between us and people we love, care for, or simply ‘hang out’ with?
Remember: this too shall pass. We can very much can stuck in a vortex of feeling consumed by our emotions. Remember - that in the big scheme of things - this is just a very small amount of our life here on earth. In a few years time - all of this won’t matter quite so much (hard to imagine I know, but true).
Does a friendship of a lifetime deserve to be lost over a differing of opinion? (Only you can answer this).
You can stay within your boundaries - and allow other people make choices even if you don’t agree with them.
Focus on the common ground. It may be that you choose to ‘agree to disagree’ and focus on the aspects of the relationship which give you both joy. What drew you to this person in the first place? What things do you have in common?
Continue to nurture yourself. What can you do for you? Go for a walk? Speak to a friend/family member? Prepare a nice meal or food treat? Go for a swim? Head to the bush? What can you do to simply reduce the stress load? Remember, this is ‘stress’, it will take a toll on your mind, mental health and body. Rest and nurture accordingly.
Learn to feel comfortable with the uncomfortable. As challenging as it is to be confronted by these things, sometimes we just need to sit with it. Notice how it feels. Notice our urge to respond / react. Notice what anger feels like in the body. Resist the urge to ‘not feel like this’. Allow it to just be as it is. Soften into it.
Turn off social media, skip past the comments section, give yourself a break from it all. As you have probably discovered, the rabbit holes are endless. Come back out, look at the grass growing, smell the flowers and notice the blue sky.
Practice the higher ground; as in, ‘what action would my highest self be proud of in this moment?’
Meditate. Practice being in the moment. Staying in the now. Bringing yourself to this breath. Then this breath... Then this breath... Letting thoughts come and go, not buying into the stories of them all, allowing them to pass.
Remember: we are truly all in this together. We are all struggling, trying to do out best. Practising self-compassion can be a helpful way of letting go. Have a look at some of these guided meditations on self-compassion from Kristen Neff.
This too, will pass
This will pass, and although life will return to some form of ‘normal’ - life will never be back to how it once was. Things have changed. Friendships and families have been challenged. Our beliefs have been challenged. Many faults/cracks that we were once able to ignore have been bought to the surface in every area of our society.
One more piece of advice based on a meme I recently saw: “After a time, it doesn’t matter who was right and who was wrong. At some stage, continuing to be angry… is just poisoning yourself”.
Kia kaha to all you out there doing the best you can.
Helen
Helen is a registered nurse, specialising in mental health from a holistic perspective. She is passionate about supporting people to have optimal mental health and well-being.
Based in New Zealand, Helen is available for speaking, education sessions and one on one appointments.
